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  • Writer's pictureSuzanne Andrews

Hormonal Hell

Dear Nita,

I’m fifty-one years old and don’t know if I’m Martha, Arthur or Genevieve. It’s not that I’m bisexual, which wouldn’t be a problem, it’s just that I have brain fog. I also have those hot flashes I’ve heard about or maybe they’re flushes? They don’t require a label. They’re fast and furious jolts of heat which consume all my attention and turn me volcanic.

My moods are scary, even to me. My normal hormonal rollercoaster has upsized into one giant theme park of frantic movement. Wherever I go, whatever I do, there’s this feeling of losing control.

I’m also petrified of losing my waist. Women after menopause go flabby fast.

Why does life have to be so cruel? My youth, my smoothness, my curvature, all are vanishing before my eyes. Or am I seeing straight? Maybe it’s all the wrinkles around them, gasp...


Ms. Menopausal



Don’t look in the mirror.



Dear Ms. Meno,

Ignore Nacho, he’s just having a bad bald fish day. Men lose hair and we lose blood, it’s

just a fact of life, and accepting that makes it all easier!

You’re far too funny to be stressing about some variation to your curves anyhow. Claim the comedian within! Funny women like you are a rare find, and that’s much more attractive than the perfect body.

Okay, now to that hormonal hell honey. It's hell since the heavy bleeding, common among women transitioning into menopause, is from a lot MORE estrogen than normal. SERIOUSLY! Okay, you will have a lot LESS estrogen soon, but there's this sudden frantic reflex action when your body suddenly knows there are fewer eggs for maturation, so it kind

of freaks out!

Freakin Body Activity

Start of menopause

➡ body knows you've got less eggs in those ovaries

➡ frantic move to keep your ovulation normal

➡FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) kicks in

( not FISH ! )

➡ MORE estrogen produced



the big E goes on permanent vacation!



But all is NOT doomsday. Anything but.

The Brilliant things about Meno

1. You get to be that gracious, gorgeous, older woman

The charm of an older woman is mind-blowing, with or without the perfect waist. Focus on sensual you, womanly you, wiser and liberated you. Older women have that sexy, sophisticated confidence. They know who they are and what matters. Own it. Claim it.

These verses from Maya Angelou’s Still I Rise, just might inspire you:

‘Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise.’

‘Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I’ve got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs’

2. You get to dress up just as much as you did when you were 20.

Choose a time to dress up and you’ll pick yourself up. Dress for YOU. Red lipstick, any lipstick, maybe some trendy false eyelashes or extensions, a new skin routine or a pair of cute sexy low-heeled / higher-heeled stilettos or new trainers will do the trick. You pick your trick – style is a personal thing.

3. You get to be cool NOT dressing up.

Maybe you’re not into lashes and dressing up. Wearing your favourite clothes but jazzing the outfit up with an accessory like a gorgeous scarf or earrings you haven’t used for ages is fun.

Or paint dots on your plain trainers. KEDS would be perfect for that. It’s all about the novelty and change, feeling rejuvenated with a jolt of excitement when you wear something in a different way.

And since wearing a mask these days is still the norm in some countries, have fun picking some masks to match your outfit. Colour on your face like that is just beautiful.

4. You might just want to start a cute new habit. A huffing puffing endorphin releasing habit.

Keep those butt-cheeks on the move! Sweaty is the new sexy - you feel great once you've puffed and panted and stuck to a routine. Christine Carter's TEDx talk, The 1-Minute Secret to Forming a New Habit , is brilliant.

I've often advised women to start running for 5 minutes only, just to feel the buzz and to have released those endorphins. Some of those women ran marathons and run to this day.

Any routine is going to make you feel fabulous, especially when those lunatic flashes lash out in their menopausal monster way!

Menopause can actually be the firecracker you always wanted to launch into something more regular in terms of exercise.

5. Menopause is a giant pause, and preparation for the time in your life when PERIODS STOP!

Who wants to go back to menstruation murder? You've escaped that prison for LIFE!

So go with the flow ladies. Your fabulous future as fabulous you, awaits!

Nita X



Movie: It’s Complicated (Meryl Streep & Alec Baldwin)

Movie: First Wives Club (Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn & Diane Keaton)

Book: Older Wiser Sexier (Bev Williams)

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